When I was a boy my mom told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’
He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
+++++
It's been a long day traveling for me. Thanks for the likes and comments I will get caught up tonight and hopefully even get some rest.
2021-06-28 23:08:43 +0000 UTC
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Most of you know my girl friend is a porn and Onlyfans star ...she however would probably kill me if she found out
2021-06-28 18:25:16 +0000 UTC
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I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them
2021-06-28 15:14:04 +0000 UTC
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My GF walked in on me watching porn so I quickly opened a fishing channel on YouTube. On her way out she said: ‘You should stay on the porn. You know how to fish ".
Have a great day folks. Laugh a little. Tip alot.
2021-06-28 10:02:51 +0000 UTC
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I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Goodnight folks. Be kind to one another.
2021-06-28 04:04:10 +0000 UTC
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I met my soul mate today. I was introduced to a beautiful lady and was told she loved dirty jokes. So I opened with "I would tell you a joke about my dick but it’s too long" then she says " yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy but you’ll never get it."
2021-06-28 01:07:39 +0000 UTC
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May not be sexy....may not be funny but it's a hell of a good break on a Sunday afternoon.
2021-06-27 20:43:58 +0000 UTC
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Tell me something you can say at the gym and in the bedroom. I'll start:
I don't care if it hurts keep going.
@seductivecurves you got one?
2021-06-27 19:38:25 +0000 UTC
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I had lunch with my parents today and they were talking about a new hardware store that was having an open house, and my mother really wanted to go. Dad, though, had no interest. After badgering him with no luck, she finally said, “If you don’t go, I’ll be the only woman there.” Dad shrugged. “If I go, you’ll still be the only woman there.
And that folks is plain simple southern wisdom.
2021-06-27 16:13:56 +0000 UTC
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Ladies good men still exist. It's just those false eyelashes are preventing you from seeing them. 😂
2021-06-27 09:59:04 +0000 UTC
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So my next goal is to have 500 friends/fans/followers on this platform. If you like the content help me get there.
I already have a $50 bounty contest out there for people that help me get my likes up so for this one let's say $100. Starting today every share or mention between now and 500 gets you into an entry with a live drawing for $100. Technically it's gets you into both a $50 and $100 as I haven't reached either target yet. (But we are so close)
Just shoot me a DM so you know I've seen the tags.
Gracias Merci Dankie Shukran Havala Thanks
2021-06-27 08:33:07 +0000 UTC
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Gentlemen. If you have a small penis train yourself to go multiple rounds. Ladies can't resist that endless shrimp.
2021-06-27 04:12:58 +0000 UTC
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Would you rather have a 1 night stand with
2021-06-27 00:14:05 +0000 UTC
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If you have been following me for a minute you know I have a shoe problem specifically Chuck Taylors. (See my pinned post)
I got a new pair this morning off a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
2021-06-26 20:45:05 +0000 UTC
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Listen I love all of you and your content but it's confusing when I see you say "NO HOOK UPS" in your Bio and then I open my DMs and it's like
2021-06-26 19:38:48 +0000 UTC
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Little Jennylou loved climbing trees
When her mother came to pick her up from school, Jennylou was at it again climbing the tallest tree she could find, oblivious to the group of disgusting boys looking up her skirt! The mom quickly waved her to get into the car, then in a stern voice warned her about the boys who just wanted to look at her panties.
The next day picking Jennylou up from school, she sees Jennylou climbing the tree again, and again the group of boys leering at her beneath the tree.
“Jennylou! Get down from there! I told you not to let the boys see your panties!”
With a proud smile, she shouts back, “Don’t worry mom! I’m not wearing my panties!”
Well friends little Jennylou grew up and now has her own OF page. She still isn't wearing panties so go sneak a peek. @sweetjennylou . Tell her Kevin sent you.
2021-06-26 17:08:42 +0000 UTC
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She told me that she "doesn't really look at me in that way."
Well squint bi$#h. I'm trying to fuck 😂🤣
2021-06-26 14:10:57 +0000 UTC
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Let's see who reads:
I was traveling alot yesterday and was blessed with likes and new friends. If you joined yesterday and would like a follow back shoot me a DM so I can find you. My notifications are clogged with some L4L and such.
If I owe you some L4L I will do it today....if you gently remind me....again it's been a crazy few days. Have FUN people. That's what it's all about.
ALSO tip your favorites today. Make their weekend a little better .
2021-06-26 12:41:39 +0000 UTC
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Most of you don't know that one of my companies is a photography business and occasionally I get behind the camera. The other day I was shooting a beautiful model and asked her if she was OK with nudity. She said she was but got pissed when I took of my pants. They were killing me.
Speaking of nudity, if you like rude nude and tattooed you will love my newest friend @tinysquaredof . She shoots content with a whole squad of beauties so following her is like opening Pandoras box of fun. Tell her Kevin sent you.
2021-06-26 09:57:45 +0000 UTC
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True confessions
I smoked from the time I was 16 till my late 20s. Someone asked me how I quit. The answer was simple. I ONLY SMOKE AFTER SEX. 😪😪😪 Damn I sure could use a cigarette who wants to help a guy out? 🤪
2021-06-25 20:45:24 +0000 UTC
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My GF asked me if her pussy was tight
Apparently, "A lot tighter than your sister's!" was not the answer she was looking for....
speaking of tight pussy go check out my new friend @datphatwhitepussy . She has great content and claims a GORILLA Grip. 😉
2021-06-25 17:15:11 +0000 UTC
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Last night I got a tattoo of @priss516 name on my penis...
...in full, the tattoo says "FOR PRISS" on it.
Afterwards, I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.
I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get every woman in the world to see that thing!?"
He replied "Oh, sure! Especially after they see *the whole* thing!"
And, right before my eyes, his tattoo began to expand:
FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH UPON THIS CONTINENT, A NEW NATION, CONCEIVED IN LIBERTY, AND DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL...
If you enjoyed the joke go visit @priss516 she is always fun and always encouraging new content providers. If you want a joke of your own....HMU.
2021-06-25 12:48:15 +0000 UTC
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This one is for my Harry Potter Fans....and yes I'm one too.
How hard do you think it was to have sex in the Magic universe with all the portraits being able to watch? I'd never be able to masturbate without fear of judgement.
Think on that for the day my friends. I have a travel day so I will see you later. Hey....tip someone today. These creators work hard for you.
2021-06-25 08:13:27 +0000 UTC
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What do you call a fictional story about sex?
A fucking legend!
Speaking of fucking legends (my last promo of the day) Two living legend stars of the adult screen helped me reach my monthly goal. Why? Because they are genuinely cool people. Go visit @kloutkiki the love of my life and her good friend and my newest crush @thealicevisby . Trust me, they don't disappoint.
Goodnight folks.
2021-06-25 01:07:23 +0000 UTC
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The train conductor began checking the tickets of all the passengers.
He approached the lady sitting in the first seat. She didn't have a ticket. The conductor fined her 20$ even though the ticket cost 40$ because she was wearing a small skirt and he could see most of her leg.
He then came up to the lady in the 2nd seat. She too didn't have a ticket. He fined her only 10$ as she was wearing an even smaller skirt and he could see almost her entire leg.
He went up to the 3rd seat. Same story, the lady sitting here didn't have a ticket but this time he fined get just 5$ because she was in a bikini and he could see literally everything.
When he got to the lady in the last seat, he didn't fine her anything at all.
That's because she was carrying a ticket, you perverts.
2021-06-24 21:57:31 +0000 UTC
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What's the difference between a cougar and a leopard?
A leopard can drag something twice its weight up a tree.
A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.
Speaking of cougars...please check out my friend @feetcougar . She is definitely one you don't want to miss. Sexy, 420 friendly and will also give you a reading to see how the stars are aligning for you. Plus she is one of my most loyal friends on this platform. Check her out and tell her Kevin sent you.
2021-06-24 20:22:49 +0000 UTC
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One day a teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building material for his home.
She read, “. . . And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may i have some of that straw to build a house?’”
The teacher paused, then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”
One little boy raised his hand and said, “ I think he said, ‘HOLY SHIT! A TALKING PIG!?
2021-06-24 15:13:52 +0000 UTC
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My good friend @priss516 offered her fans a free titty picture just to follow and like me to get my numbers up. So what do I do for her now that I hit 10k? I MEAN BESIDES TELLING YOU TO FOLLOW HER. 😉😘
2021-06-24 14:07:56 +0000 UTC
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So in the words of Sally Field " you like me, you really like me" . I just hit 10k likes and that makes me laugh as I started this page as a joke amongst my friends with serious accounts. I have lots of people to thank but stealing an idea from Elena @seductivecurves I'm making a donation in honor of this accomplishment and my friends that helped me reach it I am donating $1,000 to St Judes Children's Hospitals today. They do amazing work to give kids a chance to be kids and take the burden off of parents and family. I encourage all creators to set a goal and do some good in this nasty world.
Thanks again guys and gals now back to the funny. I still have to reach 20k lol
2021-06-24 13:54:57 +0000 UTC
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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff some guys pay money for in later life.
So I'm only a frogs hair from 10k likes. Not bad for a guy who tells bad jokes. Help me get there and win a dedicated joke of the day a L4L or just a tip. Thanks
2021-06-24 09:57:24 +0000 UTC
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