

Lol pardon the background noise.
2023-01-18 16:49:35 +0000 UTC View PostThree songs from a favourite band that made me happy to hear this evening
26
Misty
Feels like Home
(by Caamp)
I gave it four hours! I’ll have another chance on Friday 😊
2023-01-16 23:45:21 +0000 UTC View PostWell hello there, ignore the smudge on the mirror
2023-01-12 22:42:11 +0000 UTC View PostGood mornin. I got my period last night and the night has been very painful (physically). I’m experiencing age related angst as well, basically with how my body looks. I can’t be happy with my face. I’m bypassing mirrors now. I took this picture and will post it but ugh. I don’t want tips on posts I’m whining on. I’m not looking for pity. I just exist in this state right now and hope that it doesn’t last much longer. The days feel like weeks to me. I have a very easy day. No kids, no plans. Just some alone time to wallow in the destruction of my uterine lining lol. I will try to post a video today, I have a lot to talk about. I think.
2023-01-10 14:04:11 +0000 UTC View PostI am reading dms and responding as I can sit and reply. These messages are causing me to be an emotional wreck. This platform has always been one of the most supportive and respectful. I am trying to take every encouragement of hope, and piece of wisdom or advice to heart. While there is so much value in experiencing and learning and growing from our pain, I am seeing there is faster routes to peace in listening to the words of those who’ve travelled those roads before. That person experienced and suffered and came somehow to my path to lend an ear or share a lesson. Heed it and some pain could be spared. All I know is I never want to be a source of pain for anyone.
2023-01-08 20:18:49 +0000 UTC View PostBowling alleys are a favourite place of mine. Maybe one day I’ll road trip across Canada stopping for beers and stories over a few games in each little town I find one at
2023-01-08 01:32:44 +0000 UTC View PostI would’ve liked to do a video on this but I’m not sure how my thoughts will round out or if even I’d come to a conclusion. Some of the things we do in life, are against even our own good judgement. We know it’s wrong. We know the outcome won’t be good. We know there are risks and consequences. I know this. I do this and test the limits all the time. I always have. I don’t know if my problem has just always been some crazy need to find adrenaline. Or a terrible fear of missing out. It’s getting worse as I get older. I’ve challenged some serious rules over the last couple of years. I’ve got stories I can’t tell, I’ve been places I shouldn’t have gone. I have been like this as long as I can remember. The first time I ran away from home I was three. My grandparents had been vital caregivers to me as a baby, and around that age my mom and them got into a huge fight. I remember watching them screaming at each other in the kitchen of my grandparents house. She was disowned and we didn’t see them again for a long time. At some point, shortly after we had moved into our new house, I woke up early and got my doll (Tammy McGee) and left. My mom caught up to me at the end of our alleyway. I told her I was going to see my oma. Years later they must’ve patched things up because we started getting visits from them again. They would tell stories about the aunts and uncles, and cousins that we didn’t talk to. I would get upset when I heard them brag about my cousin, and it was in grade 2 where I can identify I first felt jealousy. When they would leave I would get sick for two days prior. Scream crying/hysterical. Telling my parents I was going with them. This was every time, whether we visited them or they visited us. I have run away my entire life. I lived in a remote bc town where there’s no highway left and as a teenager I would try to hitchhike out of there, every time I felt upset. I don’t know what I think I’m running away to, that’s better or easier than dealing with what’s in front of me. I think I’m programmed at this point to run/block/delete, compartmentalize for a few days and then forget. I’ve got a backlog of like 5 deaths, and two breakups I have yet to process. If I dealt with it all at the time I wouldn’t have to deal with it one day. How do you attack or diffuse your problems? I’ve been out with my friend since this morning’s post. We each went home for a rest and will be going out for bowling tonight. For some reason I feel like being open and out and among people might be good for me, usually when this happens I want to disappear forever and never be seen again. I absolutely promise that I will be responding to every message. I am reading them as I need to, when my sads hit the worst, and I can’t even describe how it feels to hear people reaching out and sharing, and cheering me on.
2023-01-06 22:53:53 +0000 UTC View Post