Happy a Monday to you! 😘 another day closer to Elden Ring coming out! 😍
Feeling a bit better today after my day lonnnnnng self-inflicted grogginess! I still have very painful feets that need some love and TLC though! 😭 I should set up an application form to hire someone who will massage my feet; unwrap chocolate for me so I can eat it even faster; and help photograph my nudity! 😝
I was at a wedding yesterday and it was so much fun! My feet are absolutely paying the price for shenanigans today though, I don’t think I stopped dancing for like, 6 hours! Please please please someone come give me a foot rub I’ll do annnnnything 🥺
Do you like the pink lingerie set?! I looooove practically see-through bras and panties! When I first saw it I wondered if it might a bit too OTT “feminine” for me but I’m glad I got it! 💕 it made nipping too and fro to the toilets for a pipi much easier than if I were wearing proper tights, too! Heh 😝
How to ruin ambience in 3…2…1… 🤓
Can I ask a really personal question? Do you laugh (or giggle!) after an orgasm? I’ve just noticed, upon watching videos back, that I do 😂 why?!
I made you a video of me show how phenomenal that anglegrinder attachment is, but I’m almost reluctant to show you it because I realise almost everything I do in here is very dangerous and even though I do it all the time I don’t want my lack of health and safety to represent me 🤣
Speaking of workshop protection… here’s my wafer-thin lace to keep me safe from unruly wood! Do you think it will work?
Who just managed to nab her second Agent Provocateur set and 6th Honey Birdette sets? Yours truly 😭❤️
Guys most importantly though I need to show you my new angle grinder disc… it’s an absolute BEAST and I am 10/10 afraid of it! 🤩 if I’m in the mood for some self-embarrassment I’ll show you some of my woodwork attempts with it 😅
I am so happy with these 😭😭😭 and with only a handful of people having a nosy at what we were up to, too! 😅 peeping Toms!
This time last year, I never would have imagined being an awkward carpenter would end up in being offered paid photoshoots and scattering traces of my intimacy (panties!) worldwide! 🤩 I’m in a dream! In addition to my emotionally gratitude, last night I submitted my science assignment in 8 days early! 😭❤️
Happy Saturday to you! ❤️
Being without proper internet for a few days (and so been having to do Python programming for my assignment with a pen and paper) has absolutely challenged my will to remain feigning sanity 🙃😂 so here I am, undressing a few layers of zen 🤲🏻
I have abysmal signal where I am and struggle to load private messages… please bear with me! ❤️ In the meantime, I am so happy with how some of these photos turned out! 😭 I have a few to show you, but I think I ought to post some full nudes soon before I show you the rest! 😋 heh! I need to strip soon! I’m too clothed!
Okay so stick with this to the end… it’s charmingly rubbish and I did laugh 😂 (probably even dorkier laugh than in this photo!):
One lunchtime a duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and an all day breakfast.
The bartender looks at him and says, "Fucking hell! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my fry up please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his fry up, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens every lunchtime for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats fry ups, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The fucking circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"
"Yeah!" the bartender replies.
"With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.
"Of course," the bartender replies.
"And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a fucking big hole in the middle?" says the duck.
"That's right!" says the bartender.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "Why the fuck would they want a plasterer?"
This bra fits perfectly; just like a nice set of firm hands holding me from behind! 😝 (not like I would rememeber what that feels like 😂)
Oh oh oh and my gosh we are one sleep closer to Elden Ring coming out! ❤️ (25th February). I eagerly await forgetting to do a lot of uni studying once it’s released 🤓 I’m crap at those games but the frustration with them is addictive. They’re the only games I screech at the screen at 😅
Look what’s arrived! 😍 my first Agent Provocateur set and two Honey Birdette sets that I could resist getting! So here, have a little try-on post 😝 I can’t decide which I think is prettier! These are well-worth how self-influctedly skint I am now 😂 which do you like more? Heh, maybe it’s a Honey Birdette thing, because on the lime green thong there is, yet again, a convenient slit at the lower back… how very rude!
What did you do for New Years? I tinkered with my Notre Dame 3D puzzle then fell asleep 😅
I can’t have two drams of whisky these days without getting tipsy enough to video myself trying to open a biscuit packet with slippery wet hands whilst naked in the bath except for my satin hair wrap, and seemingly forget to even eat it for the majority of the time. Then think it appropriate to make a thing of it. How embarrassing 😅
Holy heck also happy New Year’s Eve! I’ll be doing absolutely nothing 😎
My first Honey Birdette set 😭 it is sooo sparkly and pretty; it sooo deserves proper photography! Not quite made obvious here, is the back of the thong actually is split into two straps. Technically, you could grab my hip with one hand, and take the back of the thong in your other hand and trace your finger down it, parting the elastic for some very convenient access… but I wouldn’t possibly know about that 😇
I’ve had a lovely festive ol’ jolly-ass time but I’m soooo grateful to be back in my own hermit turf with the world’s comfiest best ever waiting for me tonight! I sleep with an electric blanket, a mattress topper, and one of those super fluffy “teddy” duvets! Heh! It’s a miracle I get out of bed at all.
Out of curiosity, has anyone ever used one of those spiked coarse shaping dishes for angle grinders before? 🤓
Have a lovely day everyone! ❤️ I’ve tried to make my fringe look nice and in my inability to do things with my hair, it looks even badger than those mad natural curls! Remind me not to bother 😂 I’m gonna ignore it and eat chocolate then nap! Catch you all later with a festive flashing! Heheh!
I still feel a little too… sensitive… to be hugely in the festive spirit at the moment! 😅 what I do have, though, is some Two Point Hospital gaming and some chocolate and Port Charlotte with my name on it, to get me in the mood! 😝 is everyone nestled for Christmas now? Oh hey! Is anyone on Twitch? If so, please follow me so I can follow you back; I dunno how to use it and need some pals so I don’t look as lonely as I truly am 🤣 I am twitch.tv/melkimbrown ❤️
Heck yes the bruises on my legs and hip from the past few days are gonna match todays lingerie AND tonight’s dress! (I’m going out to a meal with my mam and dad!) 😎 ALWAYS colour-coordinated!
Today I’m offffiiiiicially letting customers on the woodworking site know I won’t be able to finish anything before Christmas! 🤩 how is it that nobody asks me what this woodworking site is? 🥺😂
In a ridiculous turn of events yesterday, whilst replacing the broken timer on the aaaaancient boiler, and everything going fine and dandy- I kid you not, the boiler pump broke! I didn’t even touch it man! I think it got shorted or something because the wire I pulled out of it had loose cables touching eachother inside it! Managed to get to B&Q with 15 minutes to spare before it closed yesterday, and miraculously got the last boiler pump that was there! Then, had to make some a Christmas woodwork orders ready to post out this morning! 😩 what a fiasco! So here I am; the exact same temperature stripped in my workshop, as I am in the house (my dad is having to come over today to fix the pump 😅 I can do electrics, I can’t do pipe stuff noooooo sir no sireebob!) wish us luck please ❤️ My nipples can only stay this erect with cold for so long!
Strutting about topless in the shed and pushing that calron gas heater to breaking point in doing so! 😂 I think I need to admit defeat and say “I won’t be building the “bar” section of the workshop in-time for Christmas!” 😭
I’m finally wearing this mesh zebra bodysuit I got aaaaaages ago!
I pulled an all-nighter last night on some gravitational energy equations for between planets… or something… I think I’m still a bit delirious from it? Yeah. Good morning! 😅😘 where’s the espresso… I have some slightly more explicit photos in this bodysuit, would you like me to post them on my timeline for you? 🥺🐠
I’m finally wearing this mesh zebra bodysuit I got aaaaaages ago!
I pulled an all-nighter last night on some gravitational energy equations for between planets… or something… I think I’m still a bit delirious from it? Yeah. Good morning! 😅😘 where’s the espresso… I have some slightly more explicit photos in this bodysuit, would you like me to post them on my timeline for you? 🥺🐠
Just one day of no manual work today please 🙏🏻 Just one day! My wrist is shot and my fingers are starting to not work 😅 I have been building and fixing and building and fixing for like… however many days it’s been since I were in Kielder! 😭
I’m so grateful for this heated blanket! 🥶🔥
I’ve been up to my neck in science work lately, so after I hit this milestone I’ve set for myself, I’m going to chill, and see what you’ve been upto later tonight 😌
Kielder is ma home away from home ❤️🌲
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? I’d be in a log cabin in pretty much any woods (if there’s moss and trees I’m not fussy!) like a lonely witch 😝
Guyyyyys… in another twist in the saga, my panty page is out of use for the time being! The card processors are clamping down on like ANYTHING “adult” related, which includes me 😞
Being very not-savvy with these types of things, I’m now trying to find a card processor who I can use on my Shopify store! If anyone has any heads-up on any I’ll be much appreciative. I’ve tried “Pinwheel” to no avail!
Going a bit deranged with electric field science whilst on minimal chocolate but this morning I’m ploughing through making some more whisky trays to take my mind off it a bit! I also realise I have not been presenting my mating call very much lately; namely, exhibit ass 🍑
I braved the outdoors last night and went for some cocktails! 🍸 leaving the house/shed is a very rare occurrence but does happen every once in a while! 😝 so anyway, here’s me hiding from the sun for another who-knows-how-long again. Featuring, the shadow from my telescope which you absolutely don’t need to use to see my gigantic stomach scars! 😂
