What are the three meanest words in the English language? ..
What are the three meanest words in the English language? Is it in?
2021-06-05 23:04:19 +0000 UTC View PostWhat are the three meanest words in the English language? Is it in?
2021-06-05 23:04:19 +0000 UTC View PostI just ordered another pair of leather customs...I may have a problem. Peep the heel stripe. No one else will have a pair like these.
2021-06-05 19:41:24 +0000 UTC View PostWhat's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? I spent 30 minutes this morning searching for a golf ball!
2021-06-05 17:49:34 +0000 UTC View PostI like my Girls like I like my Covid. 19 and spreads easily. π€£ππ€£π
2021-06-05 10:51:49 +0000 UTC View PostSo one of the perks of my job is free food. Sara Lee gives me cheesecakes and Winery clients share wine. But my current client sent me home with Wagyu burgers tonight. So decadent...so yummy. Goodnight my friends.
2021-06-05 00:58:04 +0000 UTC View PostSpent 200+ miles in the car this afternoon and started thinking of car terms that sound dirty. Dipstick Master cylinder Slave cylinder Working a stick Rubber Rear end Can you think of more?
2021-06-04 21:36:27 +0000 UTC View PostQuick. Someone give me a song. π΅π΅π΅ I've been driving around with the top down singing "I think we're alone now" by Tiffany all morning. I think the people next to me at the red light think I'm touched in the head. I need a new ear worm. Help me. Also go vote for my hottest fan.
2021-06-04 11:56:49 +0000 UTC View PostWhy do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they donβt have balls Happy Friday. Don't forget to check out my contest. There is $$$ on the line for these beautiful ladies. Go show them love.
2021-06-04 09:41:07 +0000 UTC View PostHow is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
2021-06-03 15:52:54 +0000 UTC View PostQUESTION....Why does the city if Atlanta have enough asphalt for speed bumps but not enough to fill the pot holes?
2021-06-03 10:05:25 +0000 UTC View PostGoodnight my friends β¦. Just a reminder, if I'm in your dreams tonight, I like the rough stuff.
2021-06-03 01:28:41 +0000 UTC View PostWhy isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box. 2 things: 1 . Tip your creators. They deserve it. 2. In 48 hours I am sponsoring a hottest creator contest (or hotest creator friend of Kevin's anyway) make sure you vote for your favorite. Winner gets a $100.00 prize.
2021-06-03 00:08:47 +0000 UTC View PostThey say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? π
2021-06-02 15:10:11 +0000 UTC View PostHow is a OF creators pussy like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt when you eat them Thats all for me tonight. Ask me about the contest I'm running...$100 tip to the winner.
2021-06-02 00:56:47 +0000 UTC View PostAn organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. Go ahead ask me about my day.
2021-06-01 22:09:15 +0000 UTC View PostI was having problems with insomnia, so I went to see my doctor for advice. Doctor: "You'll have to stop masturbating." Me: "Why??" Doctor: " Because I'm trying to examine you now!"
2021-06-01 05:59:36 +0000 UTC View PostWho says being a nice guy doesn't pay? I recieve some of the nicest notes from my fellow creators about content and instead of tips I get some pretty darn good nudes. You guys and gals are amazing. Have a good night I am turning in early.
2021-06-01 00:23:11 +0000 UTC View PostLounging naked by the river this afternoon with nothing but a hat over my dick when this unattractive woman walked by and said "if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat for a lady". I said "maam if you were any kind of a lady the hat would lift itself"
2021-05-31 20:51:18 +0000 UTC View PostI will let Gen George S Patton lead today's thought. His words may have been harsh but they ring very true. "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God such men lived." Happy Memorial Day my friends. Be thankful for those that died so we can be free.πΊπΈ
2021-05-31 13:05:26 +0000 UTC View PostWhen any creator follows me I am thrilled. But when a mega star follows me I'm super hyped. This morning I awoke to a true celebrity following my joke page. I'm over the moon. Please follow my good friend and the sexiest Suicide Girl ever, Penthouse Pet if the month for October 2020 and I hope Pet of the year for 2021. @suttin or even her starter page @thatgirlsuttin. You will be thanking me for days after just 1 glimpse of this sexy goddess. (Love the white chucks in this one)
2021-05-31 10:33:26 +0000 UTC View PostI don't know WHO needs to hear this...but I know the difference between harder and faster.
2021-05-31 06:27:42 +0000 UTC View PostMy beautiful baby beat me to the bedroom but this photo summarizes my day perfectly. Dog tired. So before I ask her to scoot over....1 last joke. An old tired dog An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home. The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves. The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves. This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day." The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?
2021-05-31 00:27:22 +0000 UTC View PostIt's been a long day of riding around getting tan....but someone had to do it.
2021-05-30 20:51:11 +0000 UTC View PostMasturbating is just loving the one that you love the most. Now leave me alone and give me some inspiration.
2021-05-30 10:06:49 +0000 UTC View PostSo if you remember the last time I spent time with family I bought a purple Studebaker. Drove it to the wedding today and it was a big hit...so now my nephew and his new bride own the Studebaker to start their life together with and I have a Shiney red 1998 corvette convertible. I will post pictures in the morning because the sun has already faded on my day. Last joke: Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, βY'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 100 women!β Second guy fires back, βOh yeah? Well Iβm a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour Iβm at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 500 women.β Last guy, me, chuckles, βI have you both beat. I fucked over all my only fans followers who were expecting a punchline to this joke.β
2021-05-30 02:25:23 +0000 UTC View PostReception update: the bride and groom asked for advice . I was married for 26 years so my advice was Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener. Good....but the winner was this couple that had been married for 67 years. The husband was asked if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. "Heavens no," he replied. "Murder, yes. But never divorce." I'm gonna get them to start writing my material. π€£π€©π€£
2021-05-29 20:09:41 +0000 UTC View PostDay is still progressing....wedding is over and we are off to the ice cream social reception. Question it's been a while for me...Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the can? Ok so the jokes aren't getting better. But I am trying.
2021-05-29 18:47:48 +0000 UTC View PostBusy day for your resident OF comedian. I have a wedding and a funeral to speak at today. Just finished the funeral and it made me think being cremated is my last hope for a smokinβ hot body. Maybe the joke will be better after the wedding. Stay tuned to find out. π
2021-05-29 15:16:12 +0000 UTC View PostNEVER EVER LET YOUR EGO GET IN YOUR WAY. I went to dinner with family in town for a memorial service and a wedding. 7 of us went to a really nice restaurant the wine was flowing the steaks and salmon and lobster were perfect. The check came and suddenly it was down to two of us arguing over the bill. Your favorite OF commentator was not about to let someone else pay the bill and threaten my masculinity so I snatched it and slapped down a CC and didn't even look at the total. $1,135.14 later and with a clear head this morning I wish I had passed. Ah well it's only money...I will probably pay for something today too but if you feel led to tip me to ease the pain or buy me a starbucks...Id love you forever. π
2021-05-29 11:25:22 +0000 UTC View PostA guy limps into Dairy Queen and orders a strawberry sundae. The cashier asks, βcrushed nuts?β and the guy says, βno, itβs just my bad knee.β
2021-05-29 10:05:31 +0000 UTC View Post