A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks her husband what a penis is. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. She says, "Oh, it’s like a dick but smaller."
Hope you have a goodnight my friends. I have been awake for 26 or 27 hours straight. When I wake in the morning I will catch up on likes and I will let you know where we stand on the Converse contest. The entries are MORE than I could have hoped for. 🔥 🔥 🔥 I don't know how anyone could lose.
2021-07-02 22:57:42 +0000 UTC
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
What does that joke have to do with Wendy Sanchez my newest friend ...NOT A DAMN THING... but I did promise her that I knew some cool people that would give her page a look. She is brand new. So go give her a like, tell her Kevin sent you and let's help her get started off right.
https://onlyfans.com/u110095783?rec=782060
2021-07-02 20:24:36 +0000 UTC
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Please press play. Very important announcement.
2021-07-02 17:23:34 +0000 UTC
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I'm glad I let my girlfriend move in with me.
If it wasn't for her, I'd have never known that shoes "don't fucking go there."
Speaking of shoes. Have you entered the Converse Contest? 6 others have and there are only 4 days left for you to do so too. See my pinned post or slide into the DMs for more information.
2021-07-02 16:15:23 +0000 UTC
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one of the benefits of hosting a converse photo competition is noticing how many creators are now wearing converse in the regular daily updates. You all are gonna turn my obsession Into a downright fetish if you're not careful. Keep up the good work and get your entries in this is gonna be one of the best competitions ever
2021-07-02 13:37:44 +0000 UTC
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An older white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful sexy gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
2021-07-02 09:56:37 +0000 UTC
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July Converse Competition Update
I have recieved 5 official entries and all are 🔥. We have 4 more days to get the entries in (and resubmit if you aren't happy with the 1st one) this is shapping up to be a great contest.
Also welcome new friends. I realize many of you are here to help your favorite creator win the contest but I hope you stick around for the fun and not just the votes.
Take care of one another and if you haven't yet...tip somebody...start their month off with a bang.
2021-07-02 03:06:24 +0000 UTC
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PSA:
I have been known to spoil my friends. And recently I got one of them this ROSE toy. Apparently it was a success. (See photo 2 for the endorsement) If you don't have one you should think about it. Anyone tried them? And now a joke.
The worst part of masturbating is closing the other 6 tabs of porn I didn't get to and realizing this is ambitious as I get today.
2021-07-01 23:19:36 +0000 UTC
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I've started carrying a wet wipe in my wallet instead of a condom. I run into chicken wings far more often than I run into sex.
A few more creators have sent in contest entries. Still plenty of room for more. See pinned post for rules. BTW - have you see the "beer poster " trend on tiktok? Some of the photos would make winning posters with the converse theme.
2021-07-01 18:24:37 +0000 UTC
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ANNOUNCEMENT: Converse Contest is open
1. Open to all creators (females and males)
2. Photo submitted must show a pair of Chuck Taylors (because I like shoes) preferably on the creator but I will not stifle your creativity
3. Winner will receive a custom pair of chucks ( similar to mine but we will customize for the winner unless you want my OF name on your shoes)
4. Tell your friends.
5. Entry is free and limited to 16 contestants
2 people have already grabed a position. Don't miss out.
2021-07-01 13:16:42 +0000 UTC
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An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" says the old man.
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, dragging behind him 30 chickens caught in the chicken wire.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walk by carrying a shiny roll of something.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, trailing behind him 30 ducks caught in a long trail of duct tape.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying a branch behind him.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up," says the old man. "I'll get my hat!"
2021-07-01 11:10:32 +0000 UTC
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So in my immediate family we speak 7 languages. German, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, English, Portuguese, Spanish and the one I am so glad I learned and practiced.....French. Why? Because now everyday I get to practice le discours d'amour with a Sexy french couple 🇫🇷 @melastarz
Daily content especially from her 🔥🔥🔥
Her generous breasts will delight you but also her husband has a pretty nice 🍆
Go visit them and ask for what you want to see 👀 they are very open to customs. They post in English and respond to requests in English and French ...makes it very International. Tell them Kevin sent you.
2021-07-01 07:06:36 +0000 UTC
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There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry.
So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it.
The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money.
She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man.
She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest.
She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money.
Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
2021-07-01 04:13:50 +0000 UTC
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Tragedy has struck me my friends. Usually when I take a day for me time I invest heavily in retail therapy. Today I looked at cars but decided I needed more shoes and went to my favorite Chuck Taylor outlet north if Atlanta and found it closed. 😥😪😥😪
I guess it's back to ordering customs online....but I really wanted a new pair today. Ah well. Contest starts in the morning. Let's see what you got.
2021-07-01 01:06:51 +0000 UTC
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I am literally taking the rest of the day off for some me time....but remember tomorrow is the 1st day all creators can start entering the GREAT CONVERSE COMPETITION. Entries will be reviewed and accepted from the 1st to the 5th. See my pinned post for details or send me a DM....I just won't answer it till later.
Take care of each other you wonderful people.
2021-06-30 19:56:10 +0000 UTC
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I just wanted to thank everyone here.
My Dr said I should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.
It's June 30, 2021 and thanks to you guys I'm already done with August 2023.
2021-06-30 17:29:22 +0000 UTC
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END OF MONTH CONTEST:
Every month I put $500 in my play account. I am down to my last $42.38. I will tip $20 of it to the 1st person that can name the song I lost my virginity too. I have shared this online so if you are a fan and the 1st one to comment correctly you will get the cash and honorary fan of the day status.
Play along...if music was playing for you....share. what song.
And those of you that stayed awake with me all night thanks. Headed to breakfast, shower and then bed.
2021-06-30 12:03:49 +0000 UTC
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I used to work as a corset maker for about twenty years
But I had to give it up, the work was too constraining.
Do you like corsets? I do they are sexy AF. My new friend @evelynwow wears them 6 days a week and shares photos with her fans. You need to check her out. You won't be disappointed.
https://onlyfans.com/evelynwow?rec=782060
2021-06-30 09:58:42 +0000 UTC
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Gentlemen when it comes to eatting pussy....sometimes you just have to lick the attitude out of her.
Do your job.
2021-06-30 07:23:37 +0000 UTC
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Another late night giggle for those of you still awake:
A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex. After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.
2021-06-30 05:14:06 +0000 UTC
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People with insomnia are pretty cool
They’re up for anything
Speaking of up for anything....my client asked me to observe their overnight crew tonight...after working a full day. So I will be posting all night say hi and help keep me up.
2021-06-30 04:15:01 +0000 UTC
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How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?
Spit it out
2021-06-30 01:31:11 +0000 UTC
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Tired of my jokes.....Then go visit @ada_saga 🔥
This is a page like none other. Unique content implied nudes and sexy photo shoots. This page is proof you don't have to be naked to be sexy!
https://onlyfans.com/ada_saga
2021-06-29 22:08:50 +0000 UTC
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I spent most of my afternoon napping and hanging out at the hotel swimming pool...
...and then someone told me and I tucked the little fellow back in again.
Also is it just me or does the towel hook look like a octopus wanting to fight me?
2021-06-29 20:46:02 +0000 UTC
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Did you hear about the guy who can talk to sneakers?
He converses with them
Bad joke good reminder that you have 2 days left before my Chuck Taylor contest. Open to all creators male or female. The photo can be plain or sexy naked or implied but the shoes must be a part of it. Have a good afternoon folks.
2021-06-29 17:30:25 +0000 UTC
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Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot.
Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
2021-06-29 15:21:33 +0000 UTC
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So I have a big date coming up and truthfully the only person that will see me naked is me....but JUST IN CASE I need opinions:
Pubic hair
2021-06-29 09:58:11 +0000 UTC
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If women are so good at multitasking, why can't they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?
2021-06-29 04:03:50 +0000 UTC
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I donate to a charity called OnlyFans
Because some of these girls can't even afford clothes!
Told you I'd get a good one. Thanks and goodnight.
Wait go vote for my friend @priss516 she has a champion booty and your vote will prove it. https://onlyfans.com/163198945/promonly94
2021-06-29 01:44:57 +0000 UTC
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Note to creators. I will follow your page and I am a serial "liker" I am also generous when I see or read something I really like. But please don't send me DMs that say "you have 24 hours to tip or be blocked" I will 100% always save you the trouble by blocking you and then telling all my friends how sweet you were and suggest they excuse themselves from you as well. I do this for fun and today someone harshed my buzz AND NOW BY THE POWER OF THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY....made me harsh the buzz of others....I promise I will make it up with a killer joke later.
PS - yes I got petty enough to delete every like I had shared before I blocked her.
2021-06-29 00:10:18 +0000 UTC
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