I need your help... You guys saw my post yesterday about meeting a fellow OF creator in Atlanta and I asked you to go like her page so I could win her phone number. It worked. She liked the shoutout and how cool you guys were for visiting her page. Number secured and a date scheduled. You guys rock. Now if you help me knock her off her feet with the best date ever, we will tell you all about it right here. Thanks.
2021-07-08 19:01:20 +0000 UTC
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Few emails make me happier. Now go vote on my pinned post so one of these ladies can be happy too.
2021-07-08 15:14:19 +0000 UTC
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What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
Wipe it off and say you’re sorry
Love a crass old joke to start my day. Hey go by my pinned post and vote for the best picture. Today is the last day.
2021-07-08 09:59:44 +0000 UTC
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Good news Atlanta residents, by the looks of my arms and legs all of the mosquitos in your town have received the Moderna vaccine
2021-07-08 01:03:20 +0000 UTC
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I got 1st place in a dick measuring contest.
It was really hard competition. 🤪😉
SPEAKING OF COMPETITION have you voted yet for the beautiful ladies in my pinned post? They need your help to get to rd 2.
2021-07-07 20:21:08 +0000 UTC
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Another great part of Atlanta is the vibrant music scene. While out shopping yesterday I had the honor of meeting the talented Ms @envygoldz .
While I was trying my hardest to get her number she mentioned her music (rap)and that she occasionally shakes her ass on OF. My friends....I have heard the music, seen the video and damn sure seen the ass shaking. All GOLD. Do me a favor and pay her visit...tell her Kevin sent you it might help me score those digits. 😉
https://onlyfans.com/envygoldz?rec=782060
2021-07-07 17:12:53 +0000 UTC
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185 votes....you guys like beautiful women in chucks as much as I do. Make sure you cast your vote for your favorites before rd 1 closes. They are all so hot I have to come up with some great participation prizes. Who are you pulling for?
2021-07-07 14:13:02 +0000 UTC
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In addition to jokes and contests I like to share insights into my life and let you laugh with me or at me....your call. One of the best parts of working in Atlanta is the airport. It is the busiest in the world and so occasionally a friend is passing through and I convince them to stay a minute. This week the radiant @kloutkiki agreed to tour the city with me. We pampered ourselves, we shopped, we saw the sites and we ate like royalty. Thanks angel for a great time.
2021-07-07 13:15:41 +0000 UTC
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An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
2021-07-07 09:34:42 +0000 UTC
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Voting in America is like cleaning up after your dog...
No one wants to deal with that shit, but it's your duty.
Speaking of voting....make sure you vote in my contest. Sexy women in great shoes. Go vote and then go visit their pages.
2021-07-06 23:09:39 +0000 UTC
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A man here in Atlanta is running for office and claiming he is celibate...
Therefore he said "by voting for me there is no way I can fuck you over"
Speaking of voting...have you voted in my contest? Beautiful women in sexy poses wearing the greatest shoe ever. Give them a vote and go check out their pages.
2021-07-06 16:15:36 +0000 UTC
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Breakfast of champions ... with the fabulous @kloutkiki
YES THIS IS A SHAMELESS PLUG TO GET LIKES FROM MY MALE FOLLOWERS.
2021-07-06 14:04:29 +0000 UTC
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So no lying....I am going to the Gentleman's club at 1130 tonight. I hope to get back to the hotel around 3. Then I hope to have doggie style sex. (The kind where she rolls over and plays dead and I sit there begging) but after that the contest goes live. I have entries from
@seductivecurves @xoxopriss516 @clarebear34 @qsplace @valkyriefreja @jizagamergirl @aybaybee0304 @dazydaisy and @luxbellamy
If I have missed someone please reply to this post directly then DM me the photo...I may have inadvertently lost it. Anyone else want to play...you have 4 lap dances and a bottle of Goose to get it to me. We go live before I sleep.
2021-07-06 03:30:11 +0000 UTC
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Where my feet lovers at? I am getting pampered today.
2021-07-05 21:07:27 +0000 UTC
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So I did a thing today. What do you think?
2021-07-05 17:47:20 +0000 UTC
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A construction worker was working on site at a monastery, renovating a bathroom. As he was tightening some screws, a pipe burst, drenching him in water. The Mother Superior gave him permission to use the monastery’s shower and changing room to freshen up.
However, the Mother Superior specifically instructed him to be careful, since most of the nuns were very devoted in their faith and had never seen a man naked.
The construction worker was very dirty after the incident, so he took one bar of soap in each hand as he went into the shower. Just when he was about to turn on the shower, he heard three nuns walking into the changing room and starting to undress.
The man panicked as he heard the nuns drop their last garments. He looked around frantically, but had nowhere to go. Lacking a better option, he froze to the wall, stiff as a statue.
Odd statue
As the beautiful nuns entered the shower, they were surprised by the strangely lifelike statue.
They gathered around to inspect it from head to toe.
“This statue must be new, it’s still muddy from the transport,” said one of the nuns.
“It looks so real! But what’s that?” asked one of the nuns and pointed at the construction worker’s groin.
“I don’t know,” said one of the nuns, who then walked up and suddenly pulled his penis.
The nun’s unexpected action shocked the fit construction worker so much that he dropped one of the bars of soap he was holding.
“Ah,” exclaimed one of the nuns, “It’s a soap dispenser!”
The second nun walked up to the “statue” and pulled its penis as well. The construction worker had no idea what to do, so he dropped the second soap.
The third nun wanted to try it as well. She pulled once – but nothing happened.
So she tried pulling one, two, three, four, five times, and suddenly exclaimed loudly, “Look! I got liquid soap!”
2021-07-05 17:14:51 +0000 UTC
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Gentlemen... I never thought I would have to say this...but I am not here to see your cock. I subscribe to all pages but an unsolicited dick in my DMs before breakfast...thats just wrong. (Ladies how in the hell do you do it)
That said, I've had 1 for 50 years I shower at the gym and I watch porn. I know a good dick when I see it. So you want me to look...do like the nice fellow this morning and send me a tip. I will tell you what I think and if I am entertaining a female guest I will throw in her opinion for free.
2021-07-05 14:06:03 +0000 UTC
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Good morning folks. Today is the final day to submit your photo for the Converse Contest. I've had several questions about why today and why converse. So here are the answers.
1. I love Chuck Taylors and I have been wearing them since the 80s.
2. October 2020 Penthouse Pet of the month shared a photo with me in white chucks last year that has become one of my favorites and it inspired the idea.
3. The date....well today is that inspirational person's birthday. So Happy Birthday to @thatgirlsuttin @suttin I hope you have a great birthday and I wiah you many more.
2021-07-05 09:58:07 +0000 UTC
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POST NUMBER 500
I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT
Maria asks her boss for a raise.
Her boss is annoyed and asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?"
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'
The wife is obviously upset: 'Did my husband say that ?'
Maria: 'No, Señora, the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So, how much do you want?'
2021-07-05 01:11:58 +0000 UTC
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You may call me fat but I identify as skinny. I'm what's known as Trans-slender.
2021-07-04 21:48:27 +0000 UTC
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I was asked if my dick was a car what kind would it be. Obviously the answer is a Ferrari.
It stays covered up in the garage and no one else gets to touch it.
What car are your privates?
2021-07-04 18:23:38 +0000 UTC
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🎶Jenny Jenny you're the girl for me
Oh, you don't know me but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed🎶
Do you know Jenny? You should. I've been following her for a while now and she just became my 400th subscriber. That's worth Celebrating. Go check her out.
https://onlyfans.com/justjenna93?rec=782060
2021-07-04 14:43:21 +0000 UTC
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For my American friends, have a happy 4th of July. For my British friends ... you are better off without us and for all of my friends today and tomorrow are your last chances to enter the contest. (See pinned post) you can win a custom pair of Chuck Taylors....I broke out the 'Merica ones for the day. (Anyone for S4S today...hit me up)
2021-07-04 13:09:48 +0000 UTC
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Ladies for those of you new to my page...Im like Cryptocurrency. If you invest in me, I will go down on you.
2021-07-04 09:56:48 +0000 UTC
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I saw a sign on the door of Wal-Mart today that said “It is illegal to set off fireworks inside the building.” I really wish I had been there on the day they decided it was necessary to post that.
Have a great night folks. 1 more person entered the contest today. It's not too late for you.
2021-07-04 01:18:41 +0000 UTC
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Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my laundry, that'll keep her busy.
2021-07-03 21:58:39 +0000 UTC
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"Forgive me Father for I have sinned" and "I'm sorry daddy; I've been very naughty" are simultaneously saying very similar and very different things.😈
2021-07-03 17:13:46 +0000 UTC
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Converse Competition Update: looks like all entries that are coming....are in. I have sent some DMs to people that were interested and hopefully they will jump in and I promised 1 creator that I would wait till the 5th as she was on vacation. Still 3 openings left so it's not too late to enter. Win a custom pair of chucks like the ones I just ordered this morning....or your own design. (The new ones are in honor of my Grandson he seems to like Dinosaurs 🦕 and yes I ordered him some too in multiple sizes to grow into)
2021-07-03 12:01:05 +0000 UTC
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Good morning folks. In the past you have enjoyed stories about my family. How about 1 to start your day off right.
My grandmother died in the 80's, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce:
The long walks we used to take to the shop in town, the 5 dollars she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or cleaning off the driveway. Her soothing hands when I would get hurt.
But the thing I remember most was her sage advice:
Once when I was about 13, we were sitting in the park enjoying a Coke. She told me that one day I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.
"Always remember this," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandma?"
She smiled and said gently, "Makes your dick look bigger."
Grandma was special...
2021-07-03 09:55:49 +0000 UTC
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People told me to follow my dreams. @seductivecurves I'm following you beautiful...and OH what a dream it was. 😍
2021-07-03 05:32:33 +0000 UTC
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