Fun Fact Friday - I know I said I would post about my big ..

Fun Fact Friday - I know I said I would post about my big reveal story every Tuesday, but today I am really struggling with a lot and I figured maybe getting some stuff off my chest might help. Here's a fun fact about part of my big reveal story that I will be unveiling over the course of the months to come: I am telling my story in the hopes that I can help others. It took me almost 24 years to realize that what happened to me was actually a nervous breakdown. I always knew it was stress that had caused it, but I just never came to grips with that term "nervous breakdown" like I did today. Subsequently, whenever I would feel any kind of stress, all I wanted to do was medicate -- and that was always in the form of drugs and alcohol. Mostly alcohol, that's my big one. I have a lot of different triggers from childhood traumas to relationship traumas, etc, and they start the nerves ablaze and then I immediately go to the unhealthy coping mechanisms. Today, as I came to that huge realization, I am struggling hard with a lot of different big issues all at once and I caught myself searching for some outside way to cope. I now understand that I need to learn to cope without external things like other people or substances. All of those things can be taken away at any time. The real way to cope is to learn how to quiet my mind and heal my own heart and soul and that led me back to God. My mom was never very religious, in fact she mocked it most of my life so I didn't learn the benefits of believing in something bigger than yourself. I didn't learn the value of Faith. Then when I had my nervous breakdown and it didn't end well, I thought "well, if there is this supposed God, why would He allow this to happen to me?" Today, I realized that I allowed it to happen to me and God was actually saving me. I have recently been returning to God and Faith. I'm trying to "let go, let God" and put my Faith and my darkest moments in His hands so that I may cope in a healthy way and not only stay sober, but stay alive. Literally. I am actually enjoying this clarity and revelation, but I wish the struggles didn't have to be so damn hard. Thank you all for being here with me on this difficult journey and I hope that I am able to also help even one other person. Much love and respect.