When I think back about what I was thinking about then, I'm ..
Added 2023-03-08 05:00:08 +0000 UTCWhen I think back about what I was thinking about then, I'm kind of stunned at myself. Because even though I was doing this in multiple levels of secrecy, I was telling myself it was good for me. For my art. For my self image. This was empowering. I was taking charge of my sexuality and my body and I wanted to explore it through seeing it. I don't know what sort of self righteous early 20s radical feminist bullshit I was selling myself, but holy fuck could that delusion not have been farther from the truth. My mindset "I can do what I want with my body whenever I want and I want to create with this amazing artist and his experience is larger than mine so he must have some sense of what is better that I don't. This is being submissive - leaning into the powers that others have and giving over decision making in a conscious container to ultimately gain more. The actuality "A middle-aged anti-social man used photography as a way to m33t and interact with women that he otherwise never would. Having a shared project made the conversation and the intimate topics innocuous and distracting from the inherent power dynamic used to persuade people into thinking that pushing their own boundaries was artistically empowering" It took almost 7 years from this first experience for me to learn that truth.
