Perfectionism. I’ve been stuck in the creative rut that wa..
Added 2021-10-11 03:52:39 +0000 UTCPerfectionism. I’ve been stuck in the creative rut that was terribly undefined (I’m an over thinker and can often pinpoint the most obscure of emotions I have). Sort of like a writer’s block but visually and sexually, all because of perfectionism. The concept of “not good enough” but different than viewing myself negatively- that is, until my frustrations have grown, eventually imploding with my Instagram account deletion. Following the community guidelines, creating engaging posts and i still got deleted. I don’t LOVE social media and didn’t really think it’d matter THAT much to me, but in the end it did. Nearly a decade of work and realizing my drive for “perfectionism” was driving me a little batty was all revealed and all consuming over the last couple of weeks. I really appreciate your patience with me. I mock the idea of an influencer (and the fact that I am one?) but ultimately it is my financial security. The rigidity of perfectionism made it harder to go with the flow of it all. The very thing imposing on me shooting anything new too? I felt it a lot when OF was revealing their great betrayal. Perhaps that was the start of it all? I want to create fun and sexy things with my exhibitionist but have felt attacked because of it. I’ve been on a deep dive trying to figure out what is wrong internally, but really it’s the external factor where it feels like many of these platforms are like residing in abusive relationships. Gaslighting me and the adult industry. I’m a business woman in the end and am here to make $$. I have some customs to fulfill (an extra thank you for your patience while I navigate these emotions). Changes are on the horizon and I will be attentive to the relationships that I have built 💕
